thinspo 1

Also, no longer

i was following peoples blog anonymously, now i am publicly.

:)

meaningless post

progress undone

this week has been a nightmare! instead of loosing weight, IVE GAINED WEIGHT. im like 70kgs right now.WTH.

i think ill post some thinsporation pics tonight ;]

ive been ATTACKING these christmas cookies.

one has 310 calories, ive had like 5 today.

theyre just so tasty.

hell week

Some sort of progress

My 2 week break starts tomorrow.

Chew and Spit= worked wonders, HOWEVER-you should google it. i didnt like the fact that it can cause you to look bloated,etc.

I think i've stopped purging,completely.

(Kilograms)

10th: 69 kgs

12th:69.6kg in the morning, then 68.2 kgs after going out

13th: 68.6 kg

14th: 68.8kg

15: 68.6 kg

16: 68.2 kg

17: 68.2kg (had a party and went to 69 kg at night)

18: 68.4 (had another party and went to 70kg at night)

SEE HOW AFTER THE 17TH,I WENT DOWNHILL?

...i was so close to 67.8kg's,AND I FUCKED MYSELF OVER.

damn.

i want to be 10lbs lighter before i go back to school in january.

i hope i can do this.

i want to chew and spit more. getting the flavor, without the solid fat. BUT i do swallow a little bit, because i know its bad if i dont. but when you spit in that bag,and look at the wet,thick,creamy chewed up food, you think "THATS what im putting on my thighs? GROSS".

i eat healthier now-ignoring my horrible party incidents-

short term goal: 65 kgs

seems like i just cant do it

seems like i just cant do the abc diet.

this shit sucks.

the day before yesterday day,i ran and burned 300 calories, i was so proud.

but i love food, it takes so good, but then i decided to spit and chew yesterday.

i ate my breakfast, small amount of watermelon, school lunch, then spit and chewed dinner and snacks: cookies,doughnuts,french fries-i spit it all in a plastic grocery bag. it was pretty heavy.

yay for not putting on that solid fat!

ive been obsessing with thinspo music:

feed me, bring and purge, never good enough, courage, beauty from pain,

but i need more.

i used to use mints to hold down hunger and the urge to eat sugar, but now im practically immune.

i just want to be light and cute.

By the way, (and i know i sound crazy)- but i wish i could make a skinny clone of myself, that would stand by my front door of the house and yell "YOU CANT COME IN UNLESS YOUVE CONSUMED LESS THAN 500 CALORIES", i know id be much more productive.

i guess its "ana herself" in my head, but i dont believe in her, because i eat eat eat.

break is coming..sounds like a good chance to try to loose atleasst 10-20 lbs.

failure

i was determined to do the ABC diet, and ive failed.

started on the 3rd of December: and i went over 700calories

4th, i did 480 cal, thats good

5th, i did 360 cal, good

6th, failed.

7th,fail

today,HUGE FAILURE.

so tomorrow( the 9th), im restarting, HOWEVER, since ive used up 8 days, instead of 50 days, it will be 42 days.

ive started too see HOW FUCKING FAT my legs are.