the solutions

Feeling like some nice hot french fries? A big soft chesse burger? A cold strawberry milkshake? FORGET IT.
-I'll fill my stomach with water until i no longer feel the hunger,
-listen to "Feed Me" by Julina Hatfield over and over,
-type type type,
-run my ass off,
-eat in the mirror, naked.
-chew gum,and swallow it. It leaves a full feeling in my stomach.
- neatly hand write all the possibilities of changes in my life if i were at least 10 lbs lighter.



I need more solutions..

I have solutions but...

bulimia is killing me.
i tried purging yesterday,but my body refused, so i didnt.
i gained.
One morning i was 68.4kg, i went shopping,and the next day i was 67.2
i was so happy!
and i woke up today as 68.4kg ... then i binged...
So next time, when im home and i feel like pigging out, ill type. Type and Type and Type.
I want to look heavenly, not like a fat chunky fat ass.

Today, i ate:
an apple-good
school lunch-horrible
6 kit kats-horrible
2 slices of bread with cheese-horrible

Hopefully my bulimia comes to a complete stop this time.

185-x
180-x
175-x
170-x
165-x
160-x
155-x
150-X
145-
140-
135-
130-


I need to remind myself that i am not a COMPLETE failure

First post

I usually write in my journal when i want to talk abut my weight, but that takes too long. In addition, i wouldn't have any moral support.
Long story short, everyone at my school looks skinny, and there is no room for people of my weight. Some people find me intimidating.
I want to be able to walk without my thighs touching.
Right now, my knees don't touch-they used to.
I don't support eating disorders, ironically,i have one; bulimia..
I started July 24th.
7/24: puke
7/25: puke
7/26: puke
7/28: puke
7/31: puked 4 times
8/1: puke
8/3: puked 2 times
8/4 : puked 2 times
8/5: puke
8/6: puke
8/10: puke
8/11: puked 3x, tasted the stomach acid-scared.
8/12: puke
8/13 : puke
8/14: puke
8/18: puke
8/24: puke
9/3: puke
9/22: tried to puke,couldnt bring my body to do it.
10/8: puke
10/17: puke
10/26: puke
10/27: pukes up only about a table spoon worth or two

So why'd I record and type that? To make myself realize all the hurt im putting onto my body.
I need to sleep, ive got a big day tomorrow. I'll continue this tomorrow if i have the time.
I want to stop being bulimic, and just be healthy..